yes, i am an introvert!

are you an introvert?, asks the very intelligent and totally awesome dr. emily nagoski.

go read this post immediately! if you are an introvert, you will have the sincere pleasure of having a complete stranger so eloquently describe the basis of your personality, and if you are an extrovert, you might gain a better understanding of the introverts in your life and will stop having all sorts of really unfortunate and unnecessary misunderstandings. once you're done reading it, link it to all of your friends, and let the world know that we aren't shy and anti-social, just wired a little bit differently. (also you should read everything else that's on the blog, especially if you are interested in learning more about female sexuality, relationship dynamics, and really fascinating science)

my first serious relationship crashed and burned in large part because he was an extrovert and for the life of him could not get why i felt hesitant to attend parties, outings, and other such events, and felt like it was a rejection of him. i would constantly tell him almost verbatim what the post so wonderfully, concisely, and clearly articulates: that social interaction is pleasant for me, but so, so, so exhausting (especially after a busy day of school and work), and definitely a tiring “physical experience”. he just didn’t get it, and much as my relationship with him deteriorated, so did the relationship with our mutual friends who didn’t understand why i disliked a constant stream of people in our shared living space. thankfully the situation has changed.

but i digress. go read it! now!

endothermic and exothermic relationships

(explosive reaction of aluminum and bromide, an example of an exothermic reaction)

ever since i took general chemistry my first year of college and got an extremely thorough lesson on entropy, it has established a very stubborn foothold in my brain. i tend to draw parallels between the basic tenants of entropy and all sorts of very complex, decidedly unchemical events. on my mind right now is the idea of relationships being either endothermic or exothermic.

endothermic reactions are chemical reactions in which entropy is reduced; that is, the chaos in the universe has been slightly diminished. chemical a meets chemical b, and they make compound c. the price to pay when entropy is decreased is that stability is also decreased. that is, compound c is less stable than either parent chemical because, simplistically speaking, is that the entropy is being bottled up as energy within the compound. endothermic reactions require energy in order to proceed.

exothermic reactions, on the other hand, result in an increase in the total amount of entropy in the system (that is, the universe). once again, chemical a meets chemical b, but this time, compound c is actually more stable than either parent compound, because energy has been released. exothermic reactions are spontaneous, and occasionally violent and destructive if not properly controlled.

so do your relationships follow a typically endothermic or exothermic pattern? does the chaos in your life typically decrease or increase? are you more or less stable at the end of the day? how much energy does it take to make your relationship work?

although this is certainly an imperfect analogy, it's interesting to apply these very basic scientific principles to the situations we often find ourselves wrapped up in daily life.